so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
