you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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