so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
