if i can run in heels then i can drive
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Randomize
