chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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