if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
