What a fucking waste of an outfit
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
