3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
