Im at strip club and am horny
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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