she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Randomize
