Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
