You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
