Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
