I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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