if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
