actually, I'm a sock model
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
