New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Randomize