I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Randomize
