there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
