The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
