it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
