just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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