I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
