He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
