I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
