Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Let's paint friendship bongs
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
