I heard we made out
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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