Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
