Im at strip club and am horny
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
