I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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