I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
i believe in u and ur pee
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