I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize