Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
