do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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