you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
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