WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
