Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
