Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
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