There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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