She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
