the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
