So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
