Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
