Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
