i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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