I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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