I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize
