I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
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