they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
