I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
