mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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