Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
