If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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