At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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