And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
