quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
