Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
