Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Im just a social blackout drinker.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
