I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Randomize
