I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Randomize
