where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I've blown a few things in my day
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
