i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
