So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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