I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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