I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
