STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
