That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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