Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
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