what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Randomize
