ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
