I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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