I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
