I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
