Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
