i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
