I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
