He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
