Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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